Weird Flyer

Some friends dropped by yesterday and found this on the sidewalk outside our apartment building! I like the bullet point specifying "not sex or heavy duty cleaning." The idea of hiring this person and then expecting serious heavy cleaning makes me laugh.

The part about "group rates" is thought-provoking as well. And why is the service cheaper for females? I have some theories. But even though "all questions are welcome," I would prefer to leave it as a mystery.

Rockbox

This is a photo of an amazing new place that recently opened in Capitol Hill called Rockbox. It's a karaoke bar with private rooms! This is the perfect venue for people like me who are too shy to sing in front of strangers. If, like me, you feel shy with strangers but hammy with your pals, this is the place for you!

Other great things about it: the food is great--affordable but gourmet; the drinks--same; and the prices are totally reasonable. It's $4 per person per hour during happy hour (and all day on Sunday) and $7 per person per hour the rest of the time. If there are only 2 of you, you get a tiny room. The first time, Guy and I went together. Then we went again and took my mom. Both times were MEGA-FUN.

Oh, also, the rooms are clean and swanky, with lots of wood. The server comes by enough to keep the drinks and food coming, then closes the door! Five stars!

http://www.rockboxseattle.com

Spider Misinformation

One of my co-workers told me the other day that there are brown recluse spiders in Washington state and that they are extremely dangerous--that their bites "wither" your skin.

I sort of believed her because this particular co-worker seems down-to-earth and practical...but it still sounded fishy so I researched it online. I found a spider-themed website written by the "Curator of Arachnids" at the Burke Museum. (Nice work if you can get it!) Naturally her story turned out to be wholly false.

Here's an excerpt. I especially love the foot-long "camel spider" in Iraq who runs at 25 miles an hour, screaming like a banshee. Ha ha! Yeah, you gotta watch out for those:

Myths, Misconceptions, and Superstitions About Spiders

Rod Crawford, Curator of Arachnids, Burke Museum

As the only spider specialist in a large metropolitan area, I get many spider inquiries from the general public. Since I'm mentioned on the Internet as a spider specialist, some of the public inquiries come from distant places. When I lecture on spiders, adult and child audiences always have questions and comments. So do casual acquaintances when they learn that I work with spiders.

These people's concerns come from a widespread and surprisingly uniform set of assumptions and "general knowledge" about spiders. And almost all of this widespread information about spiders is false!

I don't really expect that this document, by itself, will make much headway against the flood of spider misinformation. However, I hope that those curious about spiders who find their way here will absorb enough information to ask me some new questions instead of the same old ones. I can hope, can't I?

Opinions expressed here are not necessarily endorsed by the Burke Museum or the University of Washington, but are entirely my own, founded on 39 years experience working with spiders and misinformed humans. Note also that I use "myth" here as a convenient catchall term for any kind of widely believed misinformation about spiders.

Just Plain Weird Stories

• The daddy-longlegs has the world's worst venom, but it can't bite you.
• Near East "camel spiders" anaesthetize sleeping humans and eat their flesh.
• "Camel spiders" in Iraq are a foot long, lay eggs under camels' skin, & run 25 miles/hour screaming like a banshee.
• A potted cactus in someone's home exploded and scattered baby tarantulas!
• A deadly, exotic spider lurks under airport and airplane toilet seats.
• A gigantic, rare, endangered and (of course) deadly spider lives in tunnels under Windsor Castle.
• Spiders can hold their breaths to avoid inhaling pesticides.
• You swallow an average of four live spiders in your sleep each year.
• Spiders drink moisture from the mouths or lips of sleeping humans.
• When black widow spiders mate, the female always kills and eats the male.
• Spider eggs may turn up in human hairstyles or in bubble gum.
• There could be spider eggs inside the tip of that banana.
• Baby spiders can hatch out of spider bite wounds.
• Certain fruits or nuts can be used to repel spiders.
• Jumping tarantulas, ten-legged spiders, poisonous spider urine, and more!

From: The Spider Myths Site at http://www.washington.edu/burkemuseum/spidermyth/index.html

The Parable of the Pie

Once upon a time, there was a very sick girl. A man in town heard about the sick girl and decided to visit her, hoping to cheer her up.

He visited her every day for a week and his visits made her happy. One day, as he was leaving the sick girl's house, he noticed a man waiting for him on the sidewalk outside.

"I'm the sick girl's brother," said the man. "Thank you for visiting my sister! As a way to express my gratitude, I have brought you a piece of pie." And he handed the visitor a delicious piece of apple pie.

For the rest of the month, every time the man would leave the sick girl's house, her brother was standing there, waiting to hand him a delicious piece of pie.

But one day, as he was leaving, the brother was standing in the same place--with no pie.

"Where's my damn pie?" asked the good Samaritan, angrily.

The brother was taken aback. "I'm sorry," he said, "I ran out of apples. But as soon as I have some more, I will bake another pie. In the meantime, I want to thank you very much for visiting my sister."

"What? That's not good enough! I want pie! Where's my pie?" yelled the man, and he punched the other guy in the face.

The girl's brother ran away in fright and was never seen again.

Moral of the story: If someone hands you a piece of pie, enjoy the pie. But don't expect pie every time.

I Would Like to Thank the Academy...

Thank you to Dana of Philly Collector for bestowing upon me a Most Versatile Blogger award! Dana has an amazing collection of dolls which you can check out at her blog. Here are seven facts about me:

1. My favorite color is pink.
2. My favorite appliance is my Kitchen-Aid mixer.
3. I finally started watching Mad Men.
4. I didn't think I'd enjoy working in a hospital, but it turns out I do.
5. I love thunderstorms.
6. I hate milk.
7. Recent discovery: people are more impressed by grace than by perfection.

Thanks for the shout-out, Dana!

Cheers & Jeers

Here's some stuff I've been liking and loathing this week.

1. Cheers! to Clinique Face Scrub Exfoliant Visage (for men). I was excited when I discovered this product. It felt and smelled and worked the same as an incredibly expensive product that I bought once at a spa...the only difference, in my opinion, is that this one is marketed to men who aren't willing to pay as much. This Clinque product costs $16.50 which might sound like a lot but it works really, really well, removes dead flakes from your skin, smells good, feels good, and is very refreshing to use. It lasts a long time too. (By way of contrast, the product it reminded me of cost $40!) It instantly makes your skin look and feel better.

This is the description on the official site:

"Pre-shave essential. Revives and smooths skin, removing dead flakes and oil buildup, clearing the way for closer, nick-free shaves. Lifts beard, helps reduce ingrown hairs. Contains rounded granules that won't scratch skin."

2. Cheers! to The Island of the Colorblind, by Oliver Sacks. I really like his writing and I just started this book and am enjoying it. The title is not a metaphor--it's about a tiny Pacific island where a strangely huge percentage of the inhabitants are colorblind from birth.

3. Jeers! to that 20-something hippie who parks outside our apartment, running his engine forever and slowly loading and unloading his children and camping equipment from his duct-taped car. Our new apartment is waaaaaaaay quieter than the old one, but that hippie still irks me! Turn off your engine, man!

In the Land of the Blind, the One-Eyed Man Is King

When I started my job, I was initially nervous to realize that my new boss thought of me as a "computer expert" which is not a label that I would ever apply to myself. I suddenly had a case of imposter syndrome. Even though I tried to be totally honest in my interviews, I wondered if I had somehow accidentally misrepresented myself.

After a few semi-harrowing days, it slowly dawned on me that when it comes to computers, everything is relative. My boss turned out to be one of those people who hand writes everything and, compared to her and to my office mates, I actually am a computer expert. What a relief!

In other news, today at work I met a retired service dog who was actually the first ever (official) service dog at the hospital where I work. She was little and gray and soft, with pointy ears and sweet eyes. It was quite an honor.

Beebo's Big Day

I got a new job!!

I have had this song going through my head for days...but today is the first day I feel like I have actually earned it.

Happy Birthday, Guy!

"Why Lie? I Need Beer."

I actually saw one of these signs on my way to the bus stop this morning. It was lying on the ground a few feet from my apartment building. I noticed a punk prowling around (looking on the ground for something?) a few feet away, so I have a feeling it was his sign.

He ought to be ashamed of himself. Not for panhandling, but for using such an incredibly tired angle. I don't remember the first time I saw a "Why Lie? I Need Beer" sign, but I'm sure I found it clever the first time I saw one. The next 500 times...not so much. This kid needs to buy a newer edition of Ye Olde Guide to Clever Panhandling. If you're going to be "retro" about it, you might as well go all the way and stick to "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?" At least that's classy and has some historical merit.

In terms of its retro appeal, "Why Lie? I Need Beer" is the equivalent of going to a thrift store and buying a shirt from 1998.

More Tulips

Here are some more photos that Diana took last month at the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival.

Tulips

My friend Diana took this photo at the Tulip Festival in Mount Vernon, Washington. I had assumed that her photos wouldn't be able to capture the impressiveness of the tulips...but she told me, "Actually, they kind of do!" Once I saw her photos, I realized she was right.

If you click on the photo, you can see it larger. It makes nice wallpaper!

Fu Man Fortunes

My mom took Guy and me to Fu Man Dumpling House yesterday for lunch. It's difficult to find a good Chinese restaurant in Seattle (outside of the International District), so this place is an amazing discovery. The food is so delicious and amazing. The noodles taste really fresh and flavorful, and the servers are so nice.

Neighborhood: Bitter Lake
14314 Greenwood Avenue N.
Seattle, WA 98133

(206) 364-0681

I was just reading reviews on Yelp which are overwhelmingly positive. Since I'm too lazy to write my own, here's a sample review from Xander D:

"Two words: PORK BUNS!!!

"On a whim, we were yelping dumpling eateries in the area and found this hole-in-the-wall gem on Greenwood! I've been craving the pork buns ever since I had them. AND, as has been mentioned before many times, the homemade garlic sauce is fantastic.

"We ordered the Pork Buns, BBQ Pork, Chow Mein Special, and Hot and Sour soup with Dumplings. After ordering, the guy said, "That's too much food. You don't need all that!" LOL! We couldn't believe it. Never have we heard someone turn down an order! But we went ahead with everything, and of course he was right. But the Chow Mein was delish the next day, for sure.

"This is definitely a place we will go again: great service and delicious food!

"I feel obligated to comment on the decor, since so many do in their reviews (just talking in general here). I don't need fancy ambiance when eating. It is nice, of course, but not necessary. So don't expect anything fancy here. There were 8 or so tables, close together, but it never felt cramped. A few of the tables are right by the door, so if you don't want the cold, don't sit by the door! Either way, if you want to eat there or take out, it's worth it for sure!

"Here's hoping that Fu Man is around for a long time!"

Word, Xander D. I've noticed that decor doesn't seem to matter much in restaurants, as long as the food and "energy" of the place are good. What I mean by energy is just a friendly, happy, welcoming feeling radiating from the servers, as if they like each other and it's a nice place to work. I have a theory that this "gets into the food" somehow. I know it's woo-woo, but that's been my personal experience. Other restaurants that have this special quality are Machiavelli (an Italian place in Capitol Hill) and Little Thai (in the University District).

Even if the food is great and the restaurant is beautiful, if the place radiates unhappiness, the food won't taste as good. But if the place has a good energy, it nourishes your soul as well as your body.

I also really liked the fortunes in our cookies. Mine was the first one: When your heart is pure, your mind is clear. But because I'm kind of woo-woo like that, I decided that all three fortunes were secretly meant for me. Thanks for the friendly support, Universe!

Things Are Looking Sunny Today

This Saturday I went to see a play at ACT theater and guess who was sitting at the end of my row? Local weatherman Steve Pool! Now, I don't really watch TV news and never have, but I've lived in Seattle since 1991, so I guess the awareness of Steve Pool seeped slowly into my consciousness over time, since he's been our local weatherman since the dawn of time (or 1984 anyway).

Isn't he pleasant and engaging? Here he is dispensing sage advice about preparing for winter weather:


Let's learn more:

"Steve Pool (born November 5, 1955) is the principal weather anchor for KOMO-TV in Seattle, having joined the station as an intern while attending the University of Washington. He joined in 1977 as KOMO's principal science reporter, in addition to serving as weekend news anchor and weather forecaster.

"In 1984, he became KOMO's primary weather forecaster after the retirement of longtime KOMO weather anchor Ray Ramsey. That same year, he began hosting a program on KOMO-TV titled "Front Runners" which aired every Saturday at 7:30PM on KOMO. The show would soon pick up nationwide syndication and featured the stories of people who beat all odds or had a unique talent, etc. Memorable segments of Front Runners include a look behind the scenes at the world of Bill Nye the Science Guy and a look at the career of fellow KOMO colleague Kathi Goertzen, as well as a behind-the-scenes tour at KOMO. Front Runners was produced by Ken Morrison and won many awards in its run, including scores of Emmy Awards. The show ended in 1996.

"KOMO News anchors Dan Lewis, Kathi Goertzen, and Steve Pool have the third longest-running tenure out of any news team in America, having worked together at KOMO-TV since 1987.

"He has won seven Emmy Awards during his career to date, made more than 80 appearances as a guest weather talent on the television show Good Morning America, and appeared in the movies Vixen Highway (2001) and Life or Something Like It (2002).

"Additionally, he is the author of a book about weather and its forecasting, titled "Somewhere, I Was Right." During the 1990s, Steve Pool hosted a video series titled I Wanna Be...(astronaut, construction worker, pilot, TV news reporter, etc)."

...Being a local celebrity seems like maybe it would be better than being, say, Angelina Jolie or someone like that. You could still enjoy some of the perks of fame, without having to deal with stuff like paparazzi and fans mobbing you every time you left the house.

However, even being a mild celebrity apparently doesn't rule out the possibility of some wackjob ornamenting himself with a giant tattoo of your face!! Yes, some weirdo got this huge portrait of Steve Pool tattooed onto his leg. I don't know who it is...someone posted it anonymously on the KOMO news website. Creepy...but also kind of sweet, in a way. I can't decide. As far as tattoos go, this is a friendly one, with a hopeful, optimistic vibe. But it's surprising that anyone would feel that strongly about Steve Pool. I wonder how Steve Pool feels about it?

Allergies

Unlike the rest of the country, Seattle has been experiencing balmy, Spring-like weather for the past few weeks.

This is nice but also not-so-nice for people like me who suffer from allergies. I never had any major allergies in New York, but as soon as I moved here, they hit me really hard. When Spring rolls around, my eyes get really itchy and watery, my nose runs (even more than usual), and I sneeze a lot. I haven't found any over-the-counter medicine that helps much. Claritin does nothing for me.

I should probably go to my doctor and try to get a prescription. I did try a prescription nasal spray once, but it didn't seem to work that well either.

When I was in Hawaii, all my allergies disappeared.

Poopy Diapers

Jennifer did this drawing of my boss, a woman I have affectionately nicknamed Poopy Diapers. (Not to her face, obviously.) Diana's boss is nicknamed Shitty, while Jennifer works for the Toad, who has the most impressively dark undereye circles I have ever seen on a person. Guy works for the Bleeb.

Yes, it's a rogue's gallery of human dysfunction and spectacular personality disorders, but I think Poopy Diapers is ultimately the hands-down winner of the "Who has the worst boss?" contest.

My co-worker Catherine, a sensitive, lovely person, was on the receiving end of Poopy Diapers' wrath for a few weeks. She was giving Catherine the silent treatment--which, I assured her, was actually a blessing. "Now you don't have to listen to her stupid stories about her grandchild," I told her, but Catherine is a sweet, easily intimidated person, and didn't particularly enjoy this experience.

However, when I suddenly became Public Enemy Number One last week in Poopy's diseased mind, I could hear her greeting Catherine on Friday morning with more gushing warmth and friendliness than either of us had heard out of her in weeks. "Hi! How are yooo-oooh doing today?" she gushed weirdly at her. Catherine responded politely, but a few minutes later, I received this email from her: "I'm frightened."

Anyway, Poopy's behavior last week inspired me to order these three books from Amazon. In working for her, I think it will help if I imagine myself as an anthropologist doing field work on the subject of personality disorders.

The Bully at Work: What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity on the Job
Gary, Ph.D. Namie, Ruth, Ph.D. Namie

Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job

Alan A., Ph.D. Cavaiola, Neil J., Ph.D. Lavender

The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't

Robert I. Sutton

Why Should We Take the Hit?

This article about the least-trusted banks in America (in the New York Times recently) amused me:

"The bottom seven of this year’s rankings, first to last, are Bank of America, Chase, Capital One, TD/Commerce, Fifth Third, Citibank, and in last place, HSBC.

"To put the rankings in perspective, large banks have generally been at the bottom of the list since the survey was initiated seven years ago...In fact, the more customers a banking institution has, the lower its customer advocacy ranking is likely to be, according to Forrester.

"Why the poor rankings for the big banks? “Part of it is that the banks are preoccupied with their bottom line. They are public institutions who are in business to make money for their shareholder and inevitably, that shows to customers,” Mr. Doyle said.

"A high customer advocacy ranking means that customers tend to believe their bank takes their side in disputes, does what is right even if it’s not required by regulation to do so, gives fair rates or performance comparisons and is clear about charges and fees, Mr. Doyle said."

My bank is Chase. Recently, they did something really assy to me, which the branch manager defended. When I called back to talk to him, some teller incompetently fielded my call, telling me, "Why should we take the hit?" Apparently, Chase experiences "not being able to fine you unfairly" as a personal attack on them.

Anyway, unluckily for the branch manager, I actually enjoy writing angry letters, so I wrote one to the CEO, who passed it along to the branch manager's manager...who called me personally and literally could not stop apologizing. It was almost embarrassing. She reversed the fines and followed it up with a letter of apology.

"Needless to say, I had the last laugh."

Chase's new promotional poster by Guy

State Mottos

I never knew we had such a weird state motto! As far as I can tell, it translates roughly to, "Okay, laters." Which actually somehow seems very appropriate for Washington, if not particularly inspiring:

" 'Bye and Bye' (Al-ki or Alki) Washington's territorial motto is Alki , or 'Bye and Bye' (an official motto has not been recognized by Washington state legislature).

"Alki (or Al-ki) is an Indian word which means "bye and bye." The motto was originally used on the territorial seal which on one side displays an immigrant wagon and a log cabin with a fir forest background; the other side pictures an anchor and the Goddess of Hope in the center (the goddess points at the word "Alki"), a sheet of water in the background with a sailing vessel, a steamer, and a city in perspective.

"Early settlers from the schooner Exact named their settlement on Alki Point "New York." However, as the settlement was slower to grow than the east coast NY, the name was changed to "New York-Alki" (the 1850s term for "bye and bye" or "I will see you, bye and bye")."

Below, a comprehensive list of all of the state mottos. I like Texas's--"Friendship"--it's sweet. Oklahoma's ("Labor conquers all things") sounds a little too much like "Work will set you free" for my liking--creepy. Ohio and South Dakota: you are lame. I like North Carolina's ("To be, rather than to seem")--it's kind of intellectual. Also, it reminds me of "Don't dream it, be it" from Rocky Horror Picture Show. Probably not what they intended, but I like it.

Obviously, New Hampshire's slogan kicks ass. "Live Free or Die"--it's so intense, and what's more, they really mean it. Montana--"Gold and Silver"--refreshingly honest. You gots the gold fever! But...New York?? "Excelsior"? I don't get it. Also confusing me--Idaho--"Let it be perpetual"?? Is that like a stoner thing?

Finally, Michigan. You...are...adorable!:

Alabama: We Dare Defend our Rights(Audemus jura nostra defendere)
Alaska:North to the Future
Arizona: God Enriches (Ditat Deus)
Arkansas: The People Rule (Regnat populus)
California: Eureka ... I have found it!
Colorado: Nothing without the Deity (Nil sine Numine )
Connecticut: He who is transplanted still sustains(Qui transtulit sustinet)
Delaware: Liberty and Independence
Florida: In God We Trust
Georgia: Wisdom, Justice, and Moderation
Hawaii: Ua mau ke ea o ka aina I ka pono(The life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness)
Idaho: Let it be Perpetual (Esto perpetua)
Illinois: State Sovereignty, National Union
Indiana: The Crossroads of America
Iowa: Our liberties we prize and our rights we will maintain
Kansas: To the stars through difficulties(Ad astra per aspera)
Kentucky: United we stand, divided we fall
Louisiana: Union, Justice, and Confidence
Maine: I direct (Dirigo)
Maryland: Manly deeds womanly words(Fatti maschil parole femine)
Massachusetts: By the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty (Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem)
Michigan: If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you (Si quaeris peninsulam amoenam, circumspice)
Minnesota: The star of the north (L'Etoile du nor)
Mississippi: By valor and arms (Virtute et armis)
Missouri: The welfare of the people shall be the supreme law (Salus populi suprema lex esto)
Montana: Gold and Silver (Oro y plata)
Nebraska: Equality before the law
Nevada: All for our country
New Hampshire: Live free or die
New Jersey: Liberty and Prosperity
New Mexico: It grows as it goes (Crescit eundo)
New York: Excelsior
North Carolina: To be, rather than to seem (Esse quam videri)
North Dakota: Liberty and Union Now and Forever, One and Inseparable
Ohio: With God, all things are possible
Oklahoma: Labor conquers all things (Labor omnia vincit)
Oregon: She Flies With Her Own Wings (Alis Volat Propiis)
Pennsylvania: Virtue, Liberty, and Independence
Rhode Island: Hope
South Carolina: Prepared in mind and resources /While I breathe, I hope
South Dakota: Under God the people rule
Tennessee: Agriculture and Commerce
Texas: Friendship
Utah: Industry
Vermont: Freedom and Unity
Virginia: Thus Always to Tyrants(Sic Semper Tyrannis)
Washington: Bye and Bye (Alki)
West Virginia: Mountaineers are always free (Montani semper liberi)
Wisconsin: Forward
Wyoming: Equal rights

Snowshoe No Go

Darn! We had to cancel our snowshoeing plans due to inclement weather (too much rain).

Snowshoeing

We're going snowshoeing this weekend! Guy did this drawing of what he will look like, treading through the snow.

Thanks to Rico "Ice" Hertz for lending his snowshoes. They don't call him "Ice" for nothing!