I Hate the Blue Angels

I hate the Blue Angels.

They are too loud.

There, I said it.

Fun's Over

Looks like the heat wave is over.

Now that it's finally over, I have to admit, I actually miss it a little. How will I replace that magical feeling of my head being on fire?

Life goes on, I guess.

Gaga Loves Chachi

I really like these photos of Gaga on the beach in Hawaii with her boyfriend, Speedy. She looks totally different (obvs) when she's not in character. In fact, this isn't even Gaga on the beach, really--it's Stefani Joanne Germanotta, the girl from Yonkers (clearly, Lady Gaga hails from somewhere more exotic...such as Outer Space).

I like the way SJG approaches the whole idea of fame. To her, fame doesn't involve confessional songs about her "real" self. It's more about becoming an entirely invented persona, and writing and performing as this imaginary character. It's all about artificiality.

I see her as a performance artist who comprehends and plays with the artificial nature of fame itself.

I LOVE THIS WEATHER

Don't you love 100 degree weather with no air conditioning?

IT'S SO AWESOME.

It's the AMAZING KATIE HOLMES of weather.

Stigmata

I just found out from Guy that I don't have stigmata, after all. What a relief!

"Stigmata are the wounds of Christ as reproduced in a human body. Visible stigmata are frequently located in both hands and both feet, and on the right side of the chest, replicating the sites of Christ's wounds, which he showed to the disciples in his post-resurrection appearances (Luke 24: 36-40 and John 20: 19-29). The most famous of the stigmatics, St Francis of Assisi, received the stigmata in these places. Occasionally wounds on the head, in the shape of a crown (copying the crown of thorns), and marks on either shoulder (representing the carrying of the cross and scourging) are evidence of stigmata too. Stigmata might also be invisible, marked by the pain of wounds in the classic places, or alternately invisible and visible. St Catherine of Sienna received the stigmata of the five wounds in a vision but asked God to make them disappear, after which she experienced only the pain of the wounds.

"Stigmata are often accompanied by other bodily phenomena such as pain, blood, sweats, levitations, or even lameness or blindness, and they quite often occur in people who are already ill or are voluntarily abstaining from food for religious reasons. Many of the women nuns and saints who fasted and/or existed on the host alone, in late medieval and early modern Europe, received the stigmata, such as St Catherine of Sienna, who fasted — except for eating the blessed host — for eight years. Stigmatics often receive religious visions or ecstasies, having visions of Christ and various saints, and also ‘re-living’ or seeing parts of Christ's passion and sharing in his suffering."

Painting on oak from Cologne, Germany, 1465, entitled "Christ on the Cross with Mary, John and Mary Magdalene." Artist unknown. Quotation from Wikipedia.

Eye Exam

I have 20/40 or 20/60 with a stigmatism in one eye.

I might get reading glasses but it depends how much it'll cost, I don't want to spend a fortune on glasses.

Cookies

I was just reading one of my favorite cooking blogs (see link below) and I saw this cookie cutter set that looks so cool, available from eBay. When I feel more flush, I might buy it. You can arrange the letters however you want to create any words you want! Fun!

(http://www.thekitchn.com/)

And the "Winner" Is...

Good luck with that, Ed.

I give them 3 months.

Hell

The weather report for Hell, Michigan today is 82 degrees, plus thundershowers.













That means that today in Seattle, it is officially hotter than Hell. We are expecting a Satanic high of 91 (with the Seattle Times listing the current temperature at 85, although it already feels hotter than that).

Anyway, I'm impressed with whomever came up with the town name of Hell. Genius! Just reading the daily newspaper would be fun, and you could attend Hell High, and when you left and people asked where you were from, you could say, "Hell."




Read more about Hell, MI here:

http://www.roadsideamerica.com/tip/2456

The Exciting Cornclusion

So tonight's the big night. Who will Jillian choose? Ed or whats-his-name?

To my mind, Ed is the obvious choice since 1) he looks like Greg Brady, 2) he seems smarter than most people who appear on this show, 3) he is a funny drunk, 4) he wears interesting retro clothes (which at one point included tiny swim trunks), and last but certainly not least 5) he sort of deserves some kind of compensation for enduring the most humiliating "Fantasy Suite" date of any guy in the show's entire history.

On the other hand, we have whats-his-name. A man so boring that I literally cannot remember his name, Jillian seems to think he's Mr. Dreamy. She likes to gush about how he's "out of her league" and "so incredibly good-looking" which....is he? Everything about him seems totally average and even kind of dorky but...okay, whatever, Jillian. It's your show. We're just watching it.

Clearly, the secret star to emerge this season was David, the trucking contractor from Dayton, Ohio, who won the "First Impression Rose" and then went on the prove how waaaaaaaaaaay off-base first impressions can occasionally be. David distinguished himself on the show by quickly developing a hostile obsession with Juan, a mild-mannered seemingly normal guy who somehow pushed David's rage-aholic redneck buttons all at once, earning his unmitigated hatred. David liked to make weird little speeches about Juan, with one culminating in the hope that Juan "go drown himself." This strangely veiled death threat was made still weirder by its specificity. Meanwhile, Juan, mildly puzzled by David's hostility but not overly concerned with it, responded (like a normal human being) mainly with avoidance. This of course fueled David's grudge still more since, like any crazed hillbilly, David was spoiling for a fight.

But....as Jake the pilot pointed out...."Where is Jillian in all this?" So back to Jillian...

Jillian's problem (in my opinion) is that she is incredibly dull. But maybe the guys don't think so. Hopefully they don't. I'm putting my money on the dark horse.

No, not Reid.

Twilley!

Edited to add: I can't believe I forgot whats-his-name is Kiptyn!! To me, this would be an instant dealbreaker!

Lavender Lipstick

Gaga looks so great with the purple lipstick, it almost tempts me to buy some, even though I know logically that while on her, it reads as "fabulous," on me it would probably read more like, "recently drowned."

I still might buy some and wear it around the house while listening to Just Dance. It's Mac Creamsheen Lipstick in Lavender Whip.

Lady Gaga

Isn't she great? How can you not love a girl who wears bubbles, giant hair bows, and even a giant hair button? She is beyond fabulous!

Candied Nuts

Candied pecans and candied walnuts make great gifts. Make a batch, put them in glass jars, tie a ribbon around it, and your friends will be so impressed. They look pretty, and they are delicious (the candied nuts, not your friends. I mean, your friends might be pretty and delicious, I'm not saying they're not).

Anyway, you can snack on them or put them on salads. (Again, I don't know what your friends are like; I'm still just talking about the nuts.)


The recipe I like to use is from my own cookbook, Get Out of My Kitchen--I'm Cooking! available at all major bookstores.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine 2 cups raw walnuts or pecans, 1 cup white sugar, and 1/2 cup water in a heavy saucepan. Cook over medium heat and stir for about 15 minutes (until mixture crystallizes). Grease a large baking pan and spread nuts (plus mixture) in an even layer on top. I like to line the pan with parchment paper as well, because it makes clean-up easier. Sprinkle the nuts with salt and bake for 15 minutes. Turn with a greased spatula and cook for another 15 minutes. Let cool. Enjoy!

Chuckles

I was really surprised last week when I was looking at candy at Bartell and suddenly saw a package of Chuckles. I haven't eaten, seen, or even thought about this candy since I was a kid in the 70s! There it was, looking exactly the same as I remembered it. Of course I had to buy it.

Andy Warhol

Andy Warhol is one of my personal heroes. If I could go back in time and meet anyone, it might be him. I'd like to sit on the couch with him at a party at the Factory, watching the Velvet Underground play live, and gossiping about celebrities. Even though he knew all the famous people, he had a lot of non-famous friends too. I feel like he'd be friends with anyone that he found funny and interesting.

The following quotes are from his 1975 book, The Philosophy of Andy Warhol: From A to B and Back Again. If you've never read it, I highly recommend it.


I suppose I have a really loose definition of "work," because I think that just being alive is so much work at something you don't always want to do. Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery. People are working every minute. The machinery is always going. Even when you sleep.

When I look around today, the biggest anachronism I see is pregnancy. I just can't believe that people are still pregnant.

One mistake I make time after time is not following the Golden Rule: I hold elevators. Also, even though I try to throw things away and simplify my life, I palm things off on other people.

Cash. I just am not happy when I don't have it. The minute I have it I have to spend it. And I just buy STUPID THINGS.

Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, "So what." That's one of my favorite things to say. "So what."
"My mother didn't love me." So what.
"My husband won't ball me." So what.
"I'm a success but I'm still alone." So what.
I don't know how I made it through all the years before I learned how to do that trick. It took a long time for me to learn it, but once you do, you never forget.

Did You Know...?

...that Hawaiians have over 500 words for "snow"? Apparently, it occasionally snows on Mauna Kea, the tallest volcano on the Big Island of Hawaii. Still, why would they need 500 words to describe snow? Especially since they never even got around to coming up with one word for "ocean." Too busy surfing, I guess.

Because of this, Hawaiians are reduced to describing the ocean by vaguely gesturing and describing it as, "you know, that big blue thing."

It's a mystery, just like so many other mysteries you will find on these beautiful yet inscrutable islands we like to call Hawaii.

Caprese Salad

There are few meals more satisfying than Caprese Salad, or Insalada Caprese, a simple and elegant combination of tomatoes, fresh basil, and fresh mozzarella.

This exciting salad hails from Capri, "an Italian island off the Sorrentine Peninsula, on the south side of the Gulf of Naples, in the Campania region of Southern Italy."














Buy the ripest, tastiest tomatoes you can find, of medium size. Slice and arrange on a plate. Buy a portion of fresh mozzarella (it's in the deli section of QFC). Slice this and arrange the slices on top of the tomatoes. Cut the basil into smallish strips and sprinkle over everything. Lightly drizzle olive oil and a little balsamic vinaigrette over the salad, followed by a light sprinkle of kosher salt. (You can use regular salt but I find that kosher salt gives it more "zing.") Serve and enjoy!

Secretary By Day, Superhero By Night

"Now I'm ready to fight crime!"

The Amazing Adventures of Beebo

That Bird Is, Like, Totally Stuck In the 80s

Last week at my bus stop, I watched a crow eating from a discarded bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

Red-Tailed Hawk

I saw a red-tailed hawk last week on campus! It was sitting in a tree for a long time, looking for prey. Then it flew away and I could see its wings.

Did You Know....?

....that there are more than 22,000 secretaries in the United States? I am proud to count myself among them. A secretary is so much more than office assistant. She's a friend, an ally, a trend setter, a confidante, someone you can always count on when the chips are down. She's always happy to lend you whatever you need, whether it's a sympathetic ear or an extra typewriter ribbon!

This is the cover of every secretary's best friend, the handy little textbook Secretaries On the Spot: A Collection of Actual Secretarial Situations and How They Were Solved, published in 1961 by The National Secretaries Association (International). Every girl should keep a copy in her desk drawer; it will help her out of all kinds of sticky office situations!

Secretaries On the Spot

This is a chapter from a helpful textbook published in 1961 called Secretaries On the Spot. As explained in the book's Forward, it contains:

"...a collection of actual problems faced by secretaries in offices all over the United States, Canada, Puerto Rico, Hawaii. The secretaries are members of The National Secretaries Association (International) whose membership is now well over 22,000."

Heady stuff! The real-life solutions are listed in the back of the book, so you can puzzle over each problem for yourself and then flip to the back when you are well and truly stumped. It's just as relevant today as it was in 1961. Anyone who works in a modern-day American office will instantly recognize the problem presented below:

What would YOU do? ........................See Comments for the real-life solution.

Here I am!

Rice & Beans

Tonight I am making rice and beans for dinner. Then we are watching Smiley Face.

I use a recipe from one of my favorite cookbooks, Clueless In the Kitchen: A Cookbook for Teens by Evelyn Raab.

You cut up 6 slices of bacon and cook them in a deep cast-iron pan. Then remove the bacon, drain out all but one tablespoon of the fat, and add 1 diced onion and one clove of minced garlic and cook that for about 5 minutes, until soft. Then pour in two and a half cups of beef broth and bring it to a boil. Add the rice, the bacon, 1/2 cup diced green pepper, and a teaspoon of thyme. Cover tightly, lower the heat, and simmer for 15 minutes. Stir in two 19-oz. cans of red kidney beans, drained and rinsed, and cook for another 5 minutes.

Voila!

It's a fairly mild dish, so Guy likes to spice it up using Sam's Secret Sauce.