Monday, July 27, 2009

The Exciting Cornclusion

So tonight's the big night. Who will Jillian choose? Ed or whats-his-name?

To my mind, Ed is the obvious choice since 1) he looks like Greg Brady, 2) he seems smarter than most people who appear on this show, 3) he is a funny drunk, 4) he wears interesting retro clothes (which at one point included tiny swim trunks), and last but certainly not least 5) he sort of deserves some kind of compensation for enduring the most humiliating "Fantasy Suite" date of any guy in the show's entire history.

On the other hand, we have whats-his-name. A man so boring that I literally cannot remember his name, Jillian seems to think he's Mr. Dreamy. She likes to gush about how he's "out of her league" and "so incredibly good-looking" he? Everything about him seems totally average and even kind of dorky but...okay, whatever, Jillian. It's your show. We're just watching it.

Clearly, the secret star to emerge this season was David, the trucking contractor from Dayton, Ohio, who won the "First Impression Rose" and then went on the prove how waaaaaaaaaaay off-base first impressions can occasionally be. David distinguished himself on the show by quickly developing a hostile obsession with Juan, a mild-mannered seemingly normal guy who somehow pushed David's rage-aholic redneck buttons all at once, earning his unmitigated hatred. David liked to make weird little speeches about Juan, with one culminating in the hope that Juan "go drown himself." This strangely veiled death threat was made still weirder by its specificity. Meanwhile, Juan, mildly puzzled by David's hostility but not overly concerned with it, responded (like a normal human being) mainly with avoidance. This of course fueled David's grudge still more since, like any crazed hillbilly, David was spoiling for a fight. Jake the pilot pointed out...."Where is Jillian in all this?" So back to Jillian...

Jillian's problem (in my opinion) is that she is incredibly dull. But maybe the guys don't think so. Hopefully they don't. I'm putting my money on the dark horse.

No, not Reid.


Edited to add: I can't believe I forgot whats-his-name is Kiptyn!! To me, this would be an instant dealbreaker!

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