Technology Loop

Guy and I just had a tedious phone conversation which went something like this:

Me: Did you get my email?
Guy: I don't know. Did you get my email?
Me: I'm not sure. How can I know if I didn't get something?
Guy: Well, my email was responding to your email. I was answering your question about the cole slaw.
Me: Oh yeah. I got that. But did you get my other email?

It went on like that for a while, until it finally occurred to me that we were having an incredibly pointless modern conversation. We had gotten stuck in a technology loop! It reminded me of this Mitchell and Webb skit.

Snuggie for Dogs

I bet Mike Rowe is happy he doesn't have to sell this product! But his gain is our loss, because I would love to watch him selling this one.

"You never really get the mouse perspective, do you?"

What happens when a total smart-ass somehow lands a job on late-night QVC hawking pointless twee crap to middle Americans? Mike Rowe is the hilarious answer to that question. I was sadly unaware of Mike in the 1990s, but thanks to the magic of YouTube, I can enjoy Mike's wild babbling anytime.

I love his loopy stream-of-consciousness, inappropriate references and thinly-veiled contempt for the products he is selling. Mike has now achieved a measure of fame for his popular TV show Dirty Jobs, in which he seeks out the weirdest, messiest jobs he can find and tries them on for size. While it's a pretty good show, the "dirty jobs" still aren't as funny as this one!:

Ocean Safety Tips

I didn't think this kind of thing could really happen...but it does! While Hawaii is obviously the best travel destination in the world, the ocean is still a dangerous place:

"DISTRAUGHT Heidi Fleiss is hiding a heartache in the Celebrity Big Brother house - her brother Jason drowned days before the show began...Hospital medicine specialist Jason was swept out to sea by a strong current while on holiday in Hawaii over the New Year. He was swimming with Heidi's other brother Jesse, who was saved by a surfer. To add to ex-jailbird Heidi's grief, the tragedy happened just two days before her 44th birthday."

Here are some Hawaii safety tips:

"The behavior of the ocean in Hawaii is unique, complex, and unpredictable. On Oahu lifeguards perform about 1100 "rescues" a year. On average 50 people drown in the ocean annually (all islands), approximately half being visitors.

"Takng into account that 7.5 million people visit the state each year, the overall risk associated with swimming in the ocean is low. Of concern is the distribution and circumstances surrounding many drownings - the majority happen at unguarded locations and often result from a lack of knowledge or poor judgment. Many beaches and tide pools are deceptively dangerous. The same set of standard caution signs are found at nearly every beach, so the signs lose credibility. Of greatest importance is acknowledging that the ocean represents a dangerous environment and that those dangers are very difficult to judge. It's a mistake to assume that one can fully understand and analyze ocean conditions – they change rapidly and are greatly influenced by season, location, tides, weather etc.

"Ocean Safety Checklist:

-Admit that you are not an expert, and do not attempt to be one. Ask lifeguards for advice.
Be honest about your swimming ability. The ocean is not a swimming pool.

-Never turn your back on the ocean. Being hit by a wave while you're not watching can cause serious injury. Waves can sneak up on one.

-If you get caught in a current do not struggle against it. Rip currents are usually narrow, so calmly swim perpendicular to the current direction to get out of it, and then you will be able to swim back to shore.

-If you need help, shout “Help” (and not a family member’s name) or wave an arm to get attention.

-Always remain calm and relaxed in the ocean, whether you get caught in a current, hit by an unexpected wave, or bump into a turtle. Panic leads to drowning because of uncoordinated movement, sporadic breathing, and increased oxygen usage.

-Remember, people also drown after being swept off rocks. Watching big waves from rocks next to the ocean is a very dangerous activity. Know the surf report before you approach any exposed location.

-A current can pull you away even in waist high water."

Look out for jellyfish too. But on the bright side--there are no snakes in Hawaii!

What Is Cojack?

"Colby-Jack, or Cojack, is a cheese produced from a mixture of Colby and Monterey Jack cheeses. It is generally sold in a full-moon or a half-moon shape when it is still young and mild in flavor. The cheese has a semi-hard texture. The flavor of Cojack is mild to mellow. The cheese is high in calcium and high in saturated fat.

"It is commonly used on cheese trays, in salads, sandwiches, casseroles, soups, and sauces. Colby-Jack cheese is popular in Mexican dishes because of its versatile flavor.

"Cojack has an orange and white marbled look to it, and it is fairly shiny. It has a softness comparable to that of Mozzarella."

Sue Simmons Frightens Viewers

Thank you to Beebo reader Stephanie for sending me this clip. Sue Simmons scares me a little here! I wouldn't want to get on her bad side. But I blame Chuck Scarborough. He probably did something crazy off-camera, like suddenly taking his pants off.

This YouTube reader comment is funny: "In NYC, "What the fuck are you doing?" isn't offensive. It's a greeting."

Excellent point, elperromagico!

Are They Putting Crack In the McNuggets?

Florida woman calls 911 3 times over McNuggets

March 4, 2009 FORT PIERCE, Fla. — Authorities say a Florida woman called 911 three times after McDonald's employees told her they were out of McNuggets. A police report said 27-year-old Fort Pierce resident Latreasa L. Goodman told authorities she paid for a 10-piece last week but was later informed the restaurant had run out.

She says she was refused a refund and told all sales were final. A cashier told police she offered Goodman a larger portion of different food for the same price, but Goodman became irate.

Police say Goodman was cited on a misuse of 911 charge. A current phone listing for Goodman couldn't be found.

A McDonald's spokesman says Goodman should have been given a refund, and she's being sent a gift card for a free meal.