Thursday, June 24, 2010

The Fat Free Cream Cheese of Doom

It's my second-to-last-day of work--or I should say "work" because, seriously.

The only slightly work-related thing I've done all day is re-label the "Petty Cash" folder so that it now reads "Pretty Cash."

Anyway, it seemed like a good time to finally document the insane hoarding of my former boss by scanning this little item that she's kept in the fridge since 2007. Actually, since before 2007--that's just when it expired. I put it back in the fridge when I was done scanning it.

After that time when I threw away a plastic bottle of water she'd had in there for months (not a new bottle, mind you--a refilled one) because it was getting in the way and because I've never seen her drink water, I found out the hard way to never throw away any of her stuff, not ever, not even when it's expired (as she explained to me) because "it might still be good."

When I protested that I'd never seen her drink water, she said, "I don't. But I always keep cold water on hand, just in case. I do it at home too." When I asked, "Just in case of what?" she said, "In case someone needs cold water."

At which point I said (silently), "Okay, Crazy" and let the baby have her way.

In case you are thinking: Maybe it was your cream cheese and you just forgot about it!, the answer to that is, no it's not because I would never eat "fat free cream cheese" because that's just stupid. Like buying "fat free half & half" (another product my former boss enjoys).


  1. You'll be feeling sentimental soon. How many people would hoard something for that long and be annoyed that it was thrown away?! Such people exist to remind the world that God has a sense of humor.

  2. Yeah, it's true that I've gotten a lot of enjoyment out of that frightening tub of cream cheese! :D

  3. Okay, here's my memory of her hoarding--when I temped for you in 2001 and my contact lenses were bothering me, you asked her if she had some saline solution in her office. She did, but it had an expiration date of 1987--14 years before! Of course, I didn't use it, but later she came back and asked for it back. ;>{

  4. Ha, yeah, that was a good one. I remember you telling me, horrified, "This saline solution is from the Reagan administration."

    She *angrily* asked for it back too! If that happened now, I would just tell her how old it was, but at the time, I was too intimidated to say anything.