"It will be easy to find. When ye see the hanging tree take a left. When ye come to the olllllld well take a right. If ye pass a scarecrow ye've come too farrr. [long pause] Yeah, that's right, opposite IKEA." "I'm hard yet soft, I'm coloured yet clear, I'm fruity and sweet, I am jelly. What am I?" -"Jelly." -"Muse upon it further, I shall return." -"It's jelly though, isn't it?" -"Yeeeees!"
"I'll tell ye...but in the medium of DANCE!"
"Have you ever heard of a thing called...butterrrrr? Gold in colour and slippery to the touch?"
Dad: Hi, you - open for afternoon tea?
Ray McCooney: Ooh. Maybe I am and maybe I'm not
[He plays the flute.]
Dad: Oh, OK.
[He starts to walk out.]
Ray McCooney: N-no, I am. Please. Sit down. Sit down.
[He shows them to a table]
Mum: Oh, what an adorable little place.
Kimberley: It smells funny in here.
Mum: [whispers] Kimberley!
Ray: I shall be back in a moment with the cake trolley.
[He puts his hand out and grabs the cake trolley.]
Ray: Here I am with the cake trolley.
Mum: Ooh, those look great, don't they, Kimberley?
Kimberley: I want the chocolate cake.
Mum: OK, honey. [to Ray] Kimberly has a nut allergy. Do you know if there are any nuts in it?
Ray: Yeeeeees.
Mum: What do you mean? Yes, there are nuts or yes you know?
Ray: Yeeeeees.
Dad: Well which?
Ray: If I tell ye the truth, I'll tell ye a lie, but if you call me false then I'll also tell ye a lie.
[He plays the flute]
Dad: OK, so does the cake contain nuts?
Ray: [picks up a piece of cake and puts it to his ear] Carrot cake, carrot cake, have ye any nuts? [He listens] The carrot cake contains... no nuts. [picks up another piece of cake to his ear] Lemon drizzle cake, lemon drizzle cake, have ye any nuts? [He listens] The lemon drizzle cake contains... no nuts. [He plays the flute] No nuts. [picks up chocolate cake to his ear] Chocolate cake, chocolate cake, have ye any nuts? [He listens] He wants to speak to you.
Ray McCooney: Ooh. Maybe I am and maybe I'm not
[He plays the flute.]
Dad: Oh, OK.
[He starts to walk out.]
Ray McCooney: N-no, I am. Please. Sit down. Sit down.
[He shows them to a table]
Mum: Oh, what an adorable little place.
Kimberley: It smells funny in here.
Mum: [whispers] Kimberley!
Ray: I shall be back in a moment with the cake trolley.
[He puts his hand out and grabs the cake trolley.]
Ray: Here I am with the cake trolley.
Mum: Ooh, those look great, don't they, Kimberley?
Kimberley: I want the chocolate cake.
Mum: OK, honey. [to Ray] Kimberly has a nut allergy. Do you know if there are any nuts in it?
Ray: Yeeeeees.
Mum: What do you mean? Yes, there are nuts or yes you know?
Ray: Yeeeeees.
Dad: Well which?
Ray: If I tell ye the truth, I'll tell ye a lie, but if you call me false then I'll also tell ye a lie.
[He plays the flute]
Dad: OK, so does the cake contain nuts?
Ray: [picks up a piece of cake and puts it to his ear] Carrot cake, carrot cake, have ye any nuts? [He listens] The carrot cake contains... no nuts. [picks up another piece of cake to his ear] Lemon drizzle cake, lemon drizzle cake, have ye any nuts? [He listens] The lemon drizzle cake contains... no nuts. [He plays the flute] No nuts. [picks up chocolate cake to his ear] Chocolate cake, chocolate cake, have ye any nuts? [He listens] He wants to speak to you.
Drawing by Jennifer
No comments:
Post a Comment