Chip Salter, Downhill Racing Potato Chip

Tagline: How fast must a potato chip go to get from where he's at?

An upstart and cocky potato chip is suddenly promoted to the U.S. Ski Team. He joins the team in mid-season in Europe, and immediately clashes with the team's head coach and more experienced teammates. Leaving his small-town girlfriend behind, he begins a tempestuous romance with the sophisticated but capricious Francesca, personal assistant to ski company owner Heinrich Von Pickleaus.

Partway through training, Chip becomes dispirited by the challenges presented by his light weight and thin, crispy physique. In an Academy Award winning performance, Gene Hackman (as the team's head coach) convinces Chip that he has what it takes to win the Gold.

Chip: Coach, I can't do it. I'm a potato chip. I weigh less than an ounce! I was crazy to think I could become the fastest downhill racer in the world. I can't even use real skis. I have to use these tiny little skis that were custom designed for me. Let's face it, I'm not a winner...I'm a snack.

Coach: I'm surprised at you, Chip. I really am. What happened to that guy I met in Munich? The one who strutted in here and told everyone he met that no one was faster, no one was better, no one else could win it...but him?

Chip: Coach...the other day, when I was waiting for the ski lift. There was this very light wind, see? And...it almost lifted me up and blew me right off the hill, man. [Bitterly] Right off the hill.

Coach: Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Is that so. Well, I'm here to tell you, kid, that you can make it! You can win! I don't care if you weigh an ounce or 10 pounds or 300 pounds. You're the best damn skiier on the team...hell, in my entire career, I never met a kid like you. You have what it takes...on the inside, kid. On the inside.

Chip Salter, Downhill Racing Potato Chip now available in Blu-ray.

Illustration by Guy Foulard