Some people I like very much do some of these things. But if you do them all, I'm sorry, you're in trouble.
1) Terrified of / excited by Swine Flu.
2) Wears red kabbalah bracelet. Primarily for Hollywood celebrities, as in, “Oh, look [famous starlet] is wearing the kabbalah bracelet. I didn’t know she was a moron!”
3) Favorite conversational topic: traffic and morning commute.
4) Forwards every email warning about totally unlikely “health hazards” (such as “do not lick envelopes, the glue contains poison, etc.”).
5) Thinks everyone should have children. Childless people are selfish.
6) Votes Republican.
7) Talks on cell phone while walking and smoking.
8) Collects something dumb but expensive as an “investment” (like Thomas Kinkade paintings).
9) Insists on hyphenating her name upon marriage, even when both last names are difficult and cumbersome, such as Oldswaang-Veerwanathan.
10) Uses the word “gal” seriously.
Painting by Dan Lacey, "Painter of Pancakes"