Sunday, September 6, 2009

Vampire Killing Kit

It's almost Halloween (yes, in our household, this holiday is respectfully observed for a solid two months), and at this time of year, thoughts naturally turn to vampires: namely, how can we protect ourselves from them? If you're like me, you've been buying extra bulbs of garlic at PCC and stringing them into festive garlands, sharpening your wooden stakes, polishing your silver dagger, and the like.

Here's a great time-saving tip. Why not put all your vampire killing accessories in one place so you won't have to waste time every year wondering where you misplaced that giant wooden crucifix or vial of holy water? This year, when vampires are slavering at your door, all you have to do is reach for your handy vampire killing kit to satisfy all your vampire killing related needs.

It's fairly easy to assemble one of these on your own. But if you have some extra cash lying around, it's even easier to buy one ready-made (like the one pictured here):

"A complete and authentic vampire killing kit — made around 1800 and complete with stakes, mirrors, a gun with silver bullets, crosses, a Bible, holy water, candles and even garlic, all housed in a American walnut case with a carved cross on top — attained $14,850 in the Jimmy Pippen estate sale by Stevens October 3–4 in the new Natchez Convention Center."

I recommend you buy the oldest kit you can afford. It's similar to wine, these things just get better with age.

If you truly can't afford a vampire killing kit of any description, why not at least treat yourself to Ben & Jerry's seasonal flavor, Vampire Vanilla (available only in the month of October)? It's a rich vanilla mixed with tiny chocolate-covered pretzel crosses and generous swirls of whole garlic cloves. Each pint is personally blessed by a Catholic priest. Eat a bowl of this ice-cream, and watch as vampires (along with everyone else) quickly make themselves scarce!

Quotation and photo from, November 11, 2008

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