Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Winehouse Curve

British tabloids are fun. I found this article about Amy Winehouse in some online British publication called Holy Moly that I've never heard of before. If I've never heard of it, how do I know it's British? For one thing, because of reader comments like these:

"Look everybody....I'VE GOT TITS !! (definitely not fakies either, honest guv)."

"Her Eartha Kitts look like the M3 extension through Twyford Down. I expect Swampy and his crusty friends to pop out of her bra-top at any moment."

"Last time I saw jezzies like that, Cristiano Ronaldo had just scored from a 30 yard free kick with them."

Ha ha ha ha...wait, what?? I'm sure I would agree with those commenters if I had any idea what they are talking about.

Personally, I think our girl Ames should be graded on "the Winehouse Curve." As long as she's not 1) doing drugs, 2) assaulting innocent bystanders, or 3) getting back together with Blake Incarcerated, I think we should all give her a break. Drinking a few pints at a pub and parading around in a pink bra flaunting her new fake boobs and collagen-inflated lips....that is to Amy what a quiet night at home cooking dinner and watching Animal Planet is to a normal person. It's all relative.

Here is the Holy Moly article, chock-full of cultural references that are incomprehensible to Americans:

Amy Winehouse shows off bra and boobs outside the Hawley Arms

Amy Winehouse looked completely spangled as she left the pub in north London with the help of three minders who bundled her into the back of a car. And she's obviously still opting for the Lindsay Lohan level of collagen injections and accidentally applied her eye-liner and drawn on those freckles in the dark. It's like when someone plucks their eyebrows off only to draw them back on again in an attempt to fool us into believing that they are real.

It's great to see that she's beaten one addiction only to replace it with another just as healthy one. Apparently the 26-year-old is now keen to get bum implants (also seen on Mutya Buena), with a source saying:

"Amy loves her boobs. She can’t stop touching them and showing them off to friends"

Or pretty much anyone passing, as so gracefully displayed after the Q Awards last month...

"She says she feels womanly again and wants to be more curvy like she used to be.She thinks by having another operation and bum implants that she will achieve her dream pin-up look."

A cleavage is one thing, but could we ever prepare ourselves for months of staring at Amy's arse cheeks? Find out next month!

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